Having Faith is Hard

Having Faith is Hard

I try hard to believe that God has a plan for my life and that I’m on the Path He has chosen for me so everything will work out just as it has been planned.  Some days, like yesterday, that is deeply difficult for me to do.

I want to yell and scream and shake my fist at the sky yelling, WHY?

Sometimes when things finally seem to be all clicking into place, things look perfect at least on paper and they feel right I find myself bracing for the sky to fall.  And that is exactly what happened yesterday.

Things were good!  I was happy!  I was excited about where things were going and then the telephone rang, and everything fell away.

No, no.  No one is ill.  No one was injured.  Physically everyone around me is fine, and trust me I understand that He is responsible for that, too.  I’m thankful from the depth of my soul for the health of my children, and loved ones.  I am thankful for a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  I’m thankful for the skills He has given me to help my husband to provide those things for my children and each other.  I just wonder why the road has to be so bumpy sometimes.  Can the path not be more smooth?  Just for a little while?  Have we not had enough sharp turns and detours on our path already?  What’s the lesson here?  Give me a shortcut, I’ll learn it quickly and move on to the happily ever after part.

Not long after the earth stopped shaking I had a photo shoot booked for a friend and her son.  As I stood in the park, near the woods, waiting for them to arrive I held my camera in my hands and listened to the silence.  I said a prayer, “Please show me the path you want me on and I will walk it.  Please, help me know how you want me to live my life…should I work, or not?  Should I work from home, or outside the home?  Should I build my own business or work for someone else?  I’m open, I’m listening, show me the way.”

It’s hard in those moments not to pray for a solution, it’s hard to not just say “Okay, give me a great job, a hefty paycheck, and I’ll be happy” but that’s not how Faith works.  And that’s why it is hard.


10 Comments on Having Faith is Hard

  1. Tamara
    November 19, 2013 at 11:02 AM (5 months ago)

    I think I have those exact thoughts. Often. And it does involve a camera in my hand and wondering if I should go for it on my own, or just work for someone else.

    • writermomangela
      November 19, 2013 at 11:10 AM (5 months ago)

      Somehow looking at life through the camera puts things more in focus–no pun intended–it requires me to block out all the stuff around me and focus on only what’s in front of me and my camera and capturing the person who is paying me in the most flattering way possible. I’m also usually outdoors which is a good place to be when you’re trying to think clearly and connect with God, I think. I don’t think I have what it takes to be a full-time professional photographer, I’ll always be a hobbyist who dabbles in paying gigs, and that’s fine with me. I do love what I do though and it’s hard to understand why I keep getting the “it’s not you, it’s us…” phone call.

  2. Amber Day Hicks
    November 19, 2013 at 11:31 AM (5 months ago)

    My dear sweet friend, I have searched ALL night for what to say to you, LITERALLY… I was awake all night, my heart broke for you… I read this post & bam! a couple of my favorite verses came to me (in song form- of course- you know, me & Sweet T, our lives go on songs… LOL) MercyMe had a song out a few years ago called “Bless Me Indeed” & the verse it was written from was Numbers 6:24-26…’

    Numbers 6:24-26
    New International Version (NIV)
    24 “‘“The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
    25 the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
    26 the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”’

    Here’s the youtube video for ya also (I know I’m pretty cool or geeky- whichever works for me…lol!)

    • writermomangela
      November 19, 2013 at 11:42 AM (5 months ago)

      Thanks my friend, I <3 you. And cool & geeky are one in the same in my book.

      • Amber Day Hicks
        November 19, 2013 at 4:03 PM (5 months ago)

        xoxo!!! :-) It will all work, this is just a bump, just a little bump.

  3. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons
    November 19, 2013 at 3:27 PM (5 months ago)

    Oh Angela!! First of all, I am sorry things didn’t work out the way you had hoped. Secondly, faith is hard. I have struggled for the past couple years with trying to figure out my “path.” Being a SAHM, I often feel pointless – like a gerbil on a wheel running & running but getting nowhere. I had a epiphany and though I would find what I was missing by diving into my blog and making it big in that realm. You know as well as I do how hard that is. Some days, I’m content and other days I still search for the answer. Anyway, long comment for a short answer – I understand. Keep the faith. ((HUGS))

    • writermomangela
      November 19, 2013 at 9:24 PM (5 months ago)

      I think that the blogging friends I have made are one of the brightest spots of my world lately. I wouldn’t give it up for anything! It would sure be nice of He would put a bright spotlight on the thing He wants me to head toward though!

  4. Angie
    November 19, 2013 at 6:58 PM (5 months ago)

    I loved your post and have certainly felt some of those same things from time to time. I hope you find your intended path soon – you are right there is a plan and sometimes it is bigger or different than we originally planned it to be.

  5. Catherine Gacad
    November 19, 2013 at 11:27 PM (5 months ago)

    i agree that faith is about taking these first steps and then observing queues to ascertain whether you’re on the right path or whether you need to start in a new direction.

  6. Joanne Viola
    November 23, 2013 at 5:28 AM (5 months ago)

    Faith is so very hard. Over the last few weeks, I have gone back to read Hebrews 11 – also known as the great chapter of “faith”. The one thing I came to realize is this….after naming so many that had great faith & achieved their goals, the end of the chapter tells us that there were many that did not ever see the result of their faith. But he mentioned them anyway. I am slowly coming to realize…faith IS very difficult. I may or may not see the results of my faith here in this life. But may I trust Him & have faith in Him anyway. Very good post!


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