I try hard to believe that God has a plan for my life and that I’m on the Path He has chosen for me so everything will work out just as it has been planned. Some days, like yesterday, that is deeply difficult for me to do.
I want to yell and scream and shake my fist at the sky yelling, WHY?
Sometimes when things finally seem to be all clicking into place, things look perfect at least on paper and they feel right I find myself bracing for the sky to fall. And that is exactly what happened yesterday.
Things were good! I was happy! I was excited about where things were going and then the telephone rang, and everything fell away.
No, no. No one is ill. No one was injured. Physically everyone around me is fine, and trust me I understand that He is responsible for that, too. I’m thankful from the depth of my soul for the health of my children, and loved ones. I am thankful for a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I’m thankful for the skills He has given me to help my husband to provide those things for my children and each other. I just wonder why the road has to be so bumpy sometimes. Can the path not be more smooth? Just for a little while? Have we not had enough sharp turns and detours on our path already? What’s the lesson here? Give me a shortcut, I’ll learn it quickly and move on to the happily ever after part.
Not long after the earth stopped shaking I had a photo shoot booked for a friend and her son. As I stood in the park, near the woods, waiting for them to arrive I held my camera in my hands and listened to the silence. I said a prayer, “Please show me the path you want me on and I will walk it. Please, help me know how you want me to live my life…should I work, or not? Should I work from home, or outside the home? Should I build my own business or work for someone else? I’m open, I’m listening, show me the way.”
It’s hard in those moments not to pray for a solution, it’s hard to not just say “Okay, give me a great job, a hefty paycheck, and I’ll be happy” but that’s not how Faith works. And that’s why it is hard.